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How many times, growing up, have you been told that your lone mission in life is to find a “well-settled” boy? How many times have you been told that money is a man’s forte? How many times have you been told that a woman’s main job is to raise a family? And how has it worked out for you so far?
It’s possible that your spouse may not be well off, or even if he is, he may be lousy with money management. Moreover, with recent rise in divorce rates and extra marital affairs, you can’t really be sure that he is going to be with you forever. In fact, you could also be the one wanting out of the relationship! Love is undoubtedly a magical feeling, but rarely does it come with a loaded bank account and financial freedom!
As a life coach, I am very aware of the impact childhood mental conditioning can have on women. The anxieties women have about financial planning and the consequences for their retirement. I see many who are worried about their lack of knowledge and experience, as well as how those concerns hold them back in reaching their highest potential. Most women I meet in my workshops are in an endless struggle of earning, spending, and trying to save, and rarely feeling like they are in control.
If this sounds like you, it’s about time you question the financial lies you’ve been telling yourselves.
“Numbers and charts is not my thing.” – Women often tell me they have absolutely no interest in numbers and charts. And since their father / husband has got them covered, there is no real reason to worry! But the thing is, it isn’t necessary to get into ellaborate calculations and spreadsheets to manage your finances. There are simple ways to crunch those numbers. Besides, your father/spouse may not be there forever, and if you don’t understand the financial investments he made, you will surely regret it later. Grief will be as it is hard to deal with, then why add financial insecurity to the mix.
“I am young and have plenty of time to save.” – Ever wondered why Albert Einstein called compound interest the eighth wonder of the world? It’s because it can make you millions of bucks! Starting to save earlier allows you to save more funds for your retirement rather than when you start later. Also, given the increasing volatility in the workplace, you can never be truly certain of the future; so it is better to be prepared financially, in case something unexpected happens.
“The investment world is complicated and hard.” – I completely get the underlying fear there. It is true that there are risks, but if you can train yourself to study the movement in the financial markets, it can pay off significantly in the end. The good news is, there’s loads of information out there and many competent hands to hold on the journey. Interestingly, when women do invest, studies show they often outperform men because they don’t allow their emotions to trigger rash decisions, and they are also prudent in evaluating the investment fees.
“I deserve this expensive stuff for all my hard work.” – Shopping because you deserve it is an act of self-sabotage, especially if you are struggling to pay your current dues. Sure, you can buy that new phone you have been waiting for, but creating a liability to pick up a depreciable asset makes no logical sense. Does that mean you shouldn’t buy that phone you so love? Of course not, but you must save for it from your monthly expenses, so you can pick it for cash instead of disturbing your savings or building debt on your credit card.
“My husband gets mad when I bring up the topic of money, so it’s best not to talk about money at all.” – One of the biggest things couples fight about is money. Does the kitchen really need to be renovated (again)? Are we going to send the kids to public school or an expensive private school? Did you really need to buy another expensive pair of shoes?
What you want to spend money on (and when) reveals critical things about your values and priorities. For example, when someone values safety and security, they may want to keep their savings account at a certain level, stick to a budget and avoid excessive debt. If someone values freedom and excitement, they may throw caution to the wind with their money and spend more recklessly.
Differing values can make it hard to communicate with a spouse about money because each person has different ideas about what is important and what they want to do with their money. That’s why when a couple argues about money, the real issue they’re arguing about is much deeper and harder to see. The most common couple pairing is for someone who likes to save, to be with someone who wants to spend. Savers and spenders tend to attract one another, and then fight about it.
I am sure, now you are thinking, “What’s the solution”! Well! If you and your spouse fight rather than talk about your finances, take steps to create a Money Spending Plan (MSP). Agree on a set time to discuss one topic at a time. Start with something routine, for example, how to better utilise bank accounts to organise household bill payments, spending money and savings. Establish a budget together. Consider setting up separate bank accounts to help organise household bill payments, spending money for each of you, and short and long term savings if you’re not comfortable with joint accounts.
Focus on what you can do, rather than on what you can’t. By limiting the time and the topic of your discussion, it will be easier to focus on solutions. Money management isn’t about being perfect. It’s about doing your best and making adjustments as you move along. You each have unique ideas, so draw on each other’s strengths and start by working on the things that you can agree on. By taking simple steps towards talking about money with your spouse, you’ll soon find that it gets easier not to argue about it all the time.
