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By Anindita Paul
From lending a helping hand to patiently hearing out their concerns, there are numerous ways to support a co-worker battling a personal crisis
We live in a world where it’s no longer possible to make a clear distinction between our professional and personal lives. Considering that the average Indian employee spends roughly 52 hours a week at work, the spatial and emotional bonds that we share with our co-workers often spills over from project and deadline-related discussions, into a more personal and emotional space. When a colleague or subordinate, therefore, is afflicted by a crisis or tragedy, one can’t just assume the role of a mute bystander and needs to actively support him/her. Adds author Rishi Priparaiya, “It is imperative for colleagues to support each other through personal crises. People may be dispensable to organisations, but not to each other. The relationships you build in the workplace can last beyond the job, and can be much stronger and more meaningful. This makes it especially important to invest in workplace relationships.”
But how do you strike the right balance between offering support and not invading his/her privacy
Readers and experts share their views about striking the right balance.
Offer help in specific ways
Rushikesh Ananda Khadsare, 29, lead of mobile team at Pharmeasy
As a team leader, one of my first priorities is to be available for my colleagues. And when they’re going through a personal crisis, apart from offering moral support, I strive to make a real, tangible difference in their lives. In one instance, when a colleague’s mother had met with an accident and went comatose, my team and I knew we had to step in. As soon as we learnt about it, we actively involved ourselves in helping the colleague in every way we could — from taking turns to relieve him at the hospital so that he could get some rest to relaxing his ninehour workday for a few days. We also ensured that he could be more accessible to his mother even after she was discharged from the hospital.
What I learned: Shared experiences like these can actually help the team bond better once the crisis has passed. It is important to proactively offer assistance to the afflicted individual — many professionals are reluctant to ask for help from a co-worker for fear of burdening them. By offering to do specific things for them, you don’t just make it easier for them to accept your help, but also ensure that you don’t end up taking on too many additional responsibilities.
Be accessible
Debaditya Roy, 35, Director of sales at DXC Technology
Michael was one of my most promising direct reports, but within 8-9 months, I noticed that the quality of his work had nosedived — he was frequently on leave and seemed unusually disengaged. When I discussed his case with my manager, he asked me whether I had taken Michael into confidence and discussed the situation informally with him. I had always maintained a formal working relationship with my team and having an informal chat about the issue hadn’t occurred to me. But then I asked Michael to join me for a drink and it was the first time we interacted in an informal setting. Through our conversation, I learned that he had moved away from his home country for the first time and felt confused and homesick. We discussed his issues in detail and I could help ease some of his concerns — allowing for a temporary workfrom-home arrangement every six months, and connecting him with other expat groups in the city for social support. Soon enough, he had renewed enthusiasm for work.
What I learned: In moving from a people-driven workforce to a process-driven one, it is easy to oversee or forget the importance of human bonds. This episode taught me the importance of building open communication channels within my teams, so as to give every team member the confidence to freely discuss his/her issues
Empathise, don’t sympathise
Husain Habib, 30, Business head of Hats-Off Digital
When one of my most promising co-workers had to deal with the sudden death of a close family member, my first instinct as her colleague was to think of ways in which I could support her. A brief conversation with her revealed that she did not have health insurance and that the medical bills were mounting. So in addition to giving time off, we also ensured that she received her pay on time even during her absence. When she resumed work after two months, she was moved by the gesture, and also felt more confident and valued in the company.
What I learned: It’s quite natural to feel sorry for someone who is experiencing a personal tragedy. However, to better understand how you can make the situation better, it is important to empathise — put yourself in their shoes — so that you can better relate to what they are going through.
Distinguish between friend and co-worker
Milind Gupta, 26, Co-founder of Intex Creations
While leading one of my first start-ups, I was tasked with dealing with an employee whose performance had been steadily declining. As I went through her records, I could tell that a majority of her mistakes were not rooted in incompetence. I could tell that something was bothering her. A frank discussion revealed that her family was struggling, financially. I offered help — monetary and emotional. In doing so, I became more of a friend than a boss. The employee began to then take frequent time-outs claiming that her personal life was emotionally draining her and the work kept piling up. What made matters worse is that I had never considered a backup plan because of my blind faith in the team. But we soon began facing a resource crunch and fell back on our deadlines. Our clients were upset and our reputation took a hit. I also saw the fallout on a more personal level as, in the long run, I lost my authority over my team. Earning back that trust and respect took time, energy and a lot of effort.
What I learned: Looking back, I feel I should have maintained a cordial rapport with the team without feeling guilty about doing so. Today, I ensure that I have a backup ready for uncertainties. To this end, I ascertain that all my team members are proficient in handling multiple roles. In addition to being an excellent mitigation strategy, this has also helped instil a greater sense of accountability in the team.
Don’t pass rash judgements
Somya Kedia, 29, writer
My first fulltime job was in an editorial role with a prestigious magazine. Although I was doing well and receiving recognition at work, disagreements on the home-front made it difficult for me to retain my focus. As my performance began to slide, I confided in a colleague about how my personal life was taking a toll on my work. The reaction I received at work was appalling. Some of my seniors read my confession as a declaration that I was incapable of handling the additional responsibilities that I had been been assigned at the time. When I refuted this idea, even more work was allotted to me. I felt dismayed as I had confided in a colleague who took advantage of my condition to strengthen her position in the company. Eventually, my confidence was shattered and I resigned from the job.
What I learned: Most people are far too eager to jump in with unsolicited advice, without actually supporting the person in need. Telling someone what to do when you haven’t been in a similar situation yourself, or trying to make light of someone’s concerns by telling them that they are overreacting may not always be helpful or even appreciated. Instead, giving the person some space and time to cope can actually make all the difference.
Share with care
It’s only natural to encounter challenges in your personal life that can impact your ability to give your best to your workplace, says life coach Nidhika Bahl. “While it is important to share what’s going on in your life with your colleagues, team and leaders so they can support you, it must be done with the right intention. Never share your personal problems to gain sympathy or as an excuse for non-delivery or underperformance. Instead, only share when you are seeking support, so that the team’s goals are not compromised”, she says. While asking for help, she advises not divulging too many personal details as this may put you in a compromised position going forward — you may lose your authority and your ability to influence your team, and could also risk coming across as incompetent to take on a higher role. At the same time, maintain the right perspective in all your communications — your organisation comes first, your team, second and you, third.
The right kind of help
As a leader or colleague, the best thing you can do is to listen to a team-member in need, advises Priparaiya. This will enable you to draw cues on how you can actually help the concerned person. “Allow your colleague to indicate what help they need. Never probe, prod, be curious or gossip. Just be there for them and cover for them, the best you can. You should draw the line, however, if you feel that the colleague in question is taking advantage of your support or misusing your trust,” he says
